Find Midlife Meaning: Shift From Materialism to Memorable Moments
Greetings!
I’m so grateful that you’re here. Thank you again for sticking around and reading this.
Since my last post, I have survived a category 1 hurricane and been to France and back. Gratitudes #2 and 3.
Possessions in Midlife: A Symbol of Status or a Barrier to Happiness?
During my recent trip to France, an interesting moment sparked an enlightening discussion about material possessions. My son and I were traveling together in the picturesque South, specifically on the beaches just north of Biarritz, nestled below the foothills of the Pyrenees.
My dear friend Flora, whom I’ve known for almost two decades, came to pick us up from the train station. My son asked, “What kind of car does she drive?” probably so he could be on the lookout. I had no idea, having never seen her drive before, but knowing Flora’s unflashy nature, I had little expectation. When an old, beat-up Volkswagen hatchback with cracked seats and a dirt-strewn floor pulled up, it was perfect. Flora explained that they never cared much about cars; it was the better of the two they had, and it worked just fine.
Throughout our long weekend, the conversation about possessions came up periodically. Flora mentioned buying second-hand clothes for herself and her daughter through an app. Their house wasn’t extra fancy but was big enough for their family of three and reflected who they were. They preferred to spend their money on experiences, like traveling and surfing, rather than accumulating things.
The Midlife Crisis and the Urge to Buy
It’s common in midlife to seek validation and comfort through material possessions. This period often brings about a sense of urgency to prove oneself, leading to an increased desire to buy things that symbolize success and status. However, this urge can backfire, leading to cluttered lives filled with objects that do little to alleviate an inner feeling of emptiness.
According to a study published in the Journal of Consumer Research, people often buy items not for their utility but to fill emotional voids or as a means of self-expression. Unfortunately, these purchases often provide only temporary satisfaction, leaving the underlying issues unaddressed.
The Backfire: Excessive Materialism vs. Experiences
Focusing on accumulating possessions can prevent us from truly living. A house filled with the latest gadgets and designer clothes might seem impressive, but does it bring genuine happiness? Often, the pursuit of material wealth leads to stress, financial strain, and missed opportunities for meaningful experiences.
Psychologist Dr. Thomas Gilovich from Cornell University has conducted extensive research showing that experiences, not possessions, are what truly make us happy. His studies found that people derive more satisfaction from experiences like travel, concerts, and shared activities than from acquiring new objects. You can read more about his research here.
Decluttering in Midlife: A Path to Freedom
It's not uncommon for retirees to downsize, realizing that the old adage “you can’t take it with you” applies to them. But why wait until retirement to declutter and simplify our lives? The process of letting go of unnecessary possessions can be liberating and pave the way for a more meaningful life.
Consider the minimalist movement, which has gained popularity among those seeking a more intentional life. Minimalism advocates for reducing physical clutter to make room for mental and emotional clarity. By decluttering, we can focus on what truly matters, whether it’s spending time with loved ones, pursuing passions, or simply enjoying life’s simple pleasures.
How to Get Rid of Things in Your 40s and beyond
If you find yourself overwhelmed by possessions, it’s time to take action. Here are some steps to start decluttering in midlife:
Evaluate Your Belongings: Take stock of what you own and ask yourself if each item adds value to your life. If not, consider letting it go.
Start Small: Begin with a single room or category of items, like clothes or books. This makes the process less daunting.
Use the “One In, One Out” Rule: For every new item you bring into your home, let go of an existing one.
Donate or Sell: Give away items to those in need or sell them online. This not only helps others but also makes you feel good about your decluttering efforts.
Embrace the Digital: Opt for digital versions of books, photos, and documents to reduce physical clutter.
Finding Fulfillment Beyond Possessions
Ultimately, the key to overcoming the midlife urge to accumulate possessions lies in seeking fulfillment through experiences and relationships. By prioritizing experiences over material goods, we can lead richer, more satisfying lives.
During my trip, I watched interviews with people in their 70s, 80s, and 90s discussing life lessons and regrets. A recurring theme was the insignificance of possessions. Many admitted they spent too much time accumulating “stuff” and missed out on experiences, purpose, and true happiness. You can find similar stories in this insightful Forbes article.
Letting go of possessions doesn’t mean renouncing all comforts. It’s about recognizing what truly brings joy and meaning. That old, beat-up Volkswagen may not have been flashy, but it took us to San Sebastian and back on an unforgettable day trip.
An Invitation to Let Go
I invite you to let go of a possession you don’t need. Sell it, give it away, or throw it away. Reflect on how it makes you feel. Embrace the freedom that comes with owning less and the joy of living more.
If you want to explore how to prioritize relationships and cultivate happiness and purpose, make an appointment to chat with me.
Much love,
Adam The Midlife Mentor
References
Journal of Consumer Research article on emotional voids and self-expression through purchases.
American Psychological Association article on Dr. Thomas Gilovich’s research on the happiness derived from experiences over possessions.
Forbes article on how retirees simplify life to make the most of their golden years.
